The first one – about fears and getting over yourself

Here it goes – my first blog! I’ve wanted to write a blog since the idea of the blog first started. So, what held me back? Fear of other people reading my stuff, fear of what other people think about my writing, fear of feedback, fear of no feedback, fear of putting myself ‘out there’, fear of having a voice, fear of having and expressing an opinion, fear of…. the list goes on. In the end, as you might guess, I think I was just scared. And I still am. But in the past few years, probably since becoming a mother to be precise, I have learnt that being scared doesn’t get you anywhere and if you’re scared (like of childbirth, for example), but you have to face your fears anyway and you get through it (like with childbirth), it’s the most amazing and liberating feeling. It makes you stronger and more resilient and you care a lot less what anyone else thinks of you. Plus, since becoming a mother, I am constantly aware that I am a role model for those small human beings I produced. So I ask myself every day: Would I want them to be scared? Would I want them to shy away from trying something just because they are scared? Well, unless they are trying to cross a motorway as a dare or do anything life-threatening, the answer is ‘No, I don’t want them to be scared’. I want them to feel comfortable enough in their own skin to not be scared of doing and experiencing things they have always wanted to do and to follow their dreams and aspirations. And what better way to instil this belief in them than to lead by example, be less scared and do what I love!

So here I am, still a little nervous and apprehensive and unsure of how things work and will work out, but I am here and I am writing. I have been writing since I learnt how to and I have been passionate about languages since I can remember. I could read before I went to school and loved books and words and letters ever since.  I am always writing, sometimes more, sometimes less, sometimes I have to (for educational purposes or for work) but most of the time I just have to write for myself, like a compulsion. If I don’t, I feel incomplete. As yet, I am unsure about where this blog will take me and therefore don’t want to advertise myself as a ‘mummy blogger’ or a ‘scared writer/ blogger’. Right now I am a writer who’s finally had the guts to put herself out there, so here I am! But I am also a mother, a partner, a friend, a daughter, a colleague, and I am sure I am someone’s nemesis. I enjoy cooking, baking and food in general; I’m a book lover, a writer, thrive on good music or a decent film; I’m a runner and adore dancing. I dislike fruit cake and mint chocolate, sitting still and not having chocolate in the house. I hate chaos, dirt and racists and think that narcissistic liars are the most dangerous people on this planet. I am a multi-faceted being. I have never liked being categorised and I don’t want to be pigeonholed now. I have always been, and will always be, a little bit of everything, so this blog will be reflective of that. I think about a lot of things all the time, sometimes random, sometimes simple things, and at other times very complex and often absurd stuff. I’ll never claim that I am right or wrong; it’s just my thoughts and my opinions, so don’t expect me to be an expert in anything and take my word as the gospel. If you like what you read or share the same thoughts, or if a blog post resonates with you, then great! Enjoy, leave me a comment, share the blog, send me an email, I’d love that! Equally, if you don’t like what you read, then follow this simple step: stop! Just don’t read it anymore! No one is forcing you to! You’re entitled to your own life and opinions so enjoy that! Don’t read it and, most importantly, don’t be nasty. There’s enough nastiness in this world at the moment and we don’t need any more of that. Thank you.

So, in the excitement and hope that every New Year, new month, new week and day brings, I am publishing this blog in the same sentiment, with the promise to myself to be less scared and write more, now and in the future. I hope you check in again soon!