Procrastination and all its friends

I am in the last weeks of my postgraduate degree and things are heating up. Tying up loose ends, writing one last assignment and finishing a report are sending my mind in a spin. I am an organisational monster and know how to prioritize, plan and get stuff done. One of my former bosses once told me that “failing to plan is planning to fail” and whilst I chuckled at this initially, I eventually came to realise that his words are absolutely true. The last 9 months have turned out to be the most challenging and tumultuous in a very long time, but by staying ahead of myself and meticulously planning my days, weeks and months, I somehow made it nearly to the end. Submitting all my work with at least a day to spare and trying really hard to make time for my little family – it feels good when you feel like you are getting somewhere. And, credit to my loved ones, they really have been my sanctuary, preventing me from losing it and throwing in the towel more than once.  They have also helped me to stay focussed and to keep my eyes onto the prize at the end of all this.  I have been able to see the light at the end of a very dark and long tunnel because of them.
Today, however, I have caught myself giving in to procrastination for too many hours, staring into space, flicking through books, surfing the net and checking Amazon for new books to read. I have not been able to get into the flow of things, even though the next deadline is less than a week away. Even the guilty, that niggling, accusing guilt couldn’t motivate me to turn back to my word document to finish what I started 4 weeks ago. Yes, 4 weeks, because I wanted to get ahead. And now I am struggling to finish it. Procrastination makes me giddy, but not in a good way. It makes me anxious and restless. It numbs and freezes me, unable to do what I need to do. I am sure a psychologist would have some scientific explanation for this phenomenon but I already know the easiest solution for my case: stop avoiding the necessary and just do it. Words easier written than done (on an ironic level, me writing this blog post is also a form of avoiding my postgrad work, but writing has always felt like the most important thing to do, all day, every day). So, whilst I know that the assignment will get done in good time just like the rest of them, I will, for now, have to learn to live with my uncomfortable feelings surrounding procrastination and try to accept that I will have days where I won’t achieve as much as I thought. Even if it goes against everything my work ethic stands for. I guess I have a long way to go until I can just accept that it’s ok to potter around and not achieve much. Because mental rest is an achievement in itself, isn’t it? Here’s to learning to love procrastination, time out and all their friends!