The lockdown diaries – Day 22: The Afterlife

As we are entering week 4 of the UK’s lockdown, articles of some countries loosening measures whilst debating if those plans are sensible at this point surface and, so I imagine, invoke hope and visions of life after lockdown in many people. Questions of how I will react to being allowed out again and what I will do first have entered my mind, too, but there are also other things that I ponder over, especially since a recent conversation I had with a very dear friend. We spoke about the fact that her and her partner were not going anywhere, had food delivered by their daughter and vouched to stay home until all this had blown over. We said how strange it still felt and how life had changed so much so quickly. I mentioned that I had seen some people either struggling with the new guidelines or openly disregarding them – I recounted the last Friday before lockdown, when social distancing measures had already been enforced but the local pubs had been heaving with people, spilling out onto the streets, squeezing next to one another on the pavement, clutching their drinks, laughing, seemingly without a care in the world. Part of me got it – a cool drink on a mild night in a local pub is lovely – when there isn’t a virus around, mind you! The other part was baffled. Was this disregard for social distancing really worth the risk? Will people change after lockdown? Will they understand? Will they have learnt something? Or will they jump into their newfound freedom and get up to some questionable things? I told my friend, laughing, that the reasons for not significantly missing evenings out and having lots of trips and events in my diary are that there aren’t really ever that many in my life anyway. The days of partying and spending three evenings in a row in a pub have long gone since being pregnant with my first child, and the urge for having to constantly go somewhere and to be seen and heard has also calmed down. My friend agreed. “I really think I won’t want to go out anymore after this”, she opined, and I noticed that I completely got it. Part of me, probably the part that feels FOMO (fear of missing out) every time a friend posts a glitzy picture on the Gram or Facebook from a night out or a lush evening in a restaurant, can’t wait to put my best skimpy dress and a pair of heels on and meet my lovely friends at a bar. However, the other part of me, the one that yearns for a weekend alone at a Spa, surrounded by nothing but quiet, some books and a notepad with a pen, feels secretly very content with the lockdown. I don’t have to go anywhere, and no one else is either. I am not expected to have a buzzing social life, I can stay at home, read, write, cook, bake and indulge in quality time with my family. I feel a little apprehensive of everything going back to normal and I am not sure if I will be embracing large crowds and the hustle and bustle straight away. I also don’t think I will be alone in feeling like this. Some of us are more comfortable with solitude and calm than others. I believe that I and some others will have to adjust to business as usual, the same way we had to get used to lockdown and social distancing. And I think that is OK. We are all different and need different things to make life work for us. There is no right or wrong. Whatever works for you. Take it easy if you are overwhelmed by too much noise. Go for it if you need a lively and busy surrounding to make you feel good. And if lockdown has changed you then be gentle and accept it. As long as your mind, soul and body are feeling it, too, then roll with it. Who is the judge of “normal” and how you are supposed to be feeling? Exactly. Do it your way.